aNYWHERE bUT hERE

Anywhere but here.. 
Anyone but me....

Is there a place where I can be 
Without feeling a failure
In everything I touch...
Where I can actually achieve 
what I work so hard for
Where I have something to show
for all I do

Frustration
Depression
Desperation
Question....s

Was this a good choice?
Was this 'the best'?
Is this 'the best'?

I once believed the best is yet to come 
Now I think it's come and gone..

I do not want a lot.
All I want is to feel that all ....this 
is not in vain

(m.b. 03/15)

You Are Enough!

Last month we had Oscars night. Amid the usual flurry of tears, air-kissing and acceptance speeches, there were quite a few impassioned messages. Some political like Patricia Arquette pushing for equal pay across genders. Others like Graham Moore, the American screenwriter/author who won the Award for Best Adapted Screenplay in "The Imitation Game" took a much more personal approach.

http://mashable.com/2015/02/23/graham-moore-oscars-speech/

'Stay weird..stay different'

He's perfectly right, of course. We should be true to ourselves.
But in all honesty, how many of us can imagine a teenager being OK with being considered 'weird'? How many of us remember our own teenage years when we were desperate to be cool, and in?
As Moore himself showed, with the revelation of his attempted suicide at sixteen, teenagers are NOT ok with being weird or different.

"When I was sixteen years old, I tried to kill myself, because I felt weird and I felt different, and I felt like I did not belong."

Teenagers, and I daresay, even tweens these days are under immense pressure to conform, to fit in with the hip, cool crowd. They are desperate to impress their peers, their crushes. And when this does not happen, they have a hard time. The need to fit in creates a fertile breeding ground for emotional bullies....those insecure persons, who will do all they can to highlight a person's perceived weirdness, as by doing so, they consolidate their own position of popularity.
I experienced this kind of bullying myself, and I am pretty certain that it wasn't just me.

It takes time, experience and maturity to get to the point where you do not care if you're considered weird or strange or eccentric. Nowadays I have no problem with telling anyone ...this is me; like it or lump it.  But that is the point. I am an adult with two children of my own. I am not sixteen. I have been around a few times and I have no need to impress.

On the Academy Awards stage, Moore spoke as an adult not a teen. So how realistic is his plea to "that kid out there who thinks she's weird and she's different and she doesn't fit in anywhere" to stay weird, to stay different?

One of the comments on the original post was that as parents we empower our child so that the need to fit in is no longer as important as the need to be individuals...
Hmmmm... 
As a parent, it is my duty to give my children security, support and acceptance. But even if I were the perfect parent, which I'm not (sorry to disappoint you) peer pressure is something we should never underestimate..
Yes, as parents we definitely play a big part in how our children grow and develop, not just physically, but also emotionally and psychologically.
But it would be foolish to believe, even for a moment, that just because of us providing unconditional love and security, our children will be impervious to peer pressure. Peer pressure is a powerful force, because it is based on young people's need to fit in. The need to fit in is hard-wired into teenagers. It is just part of who they are.

Encouraging children to think for themselves, to make their own choices, to go with their gut feeling..these are all positive, even great things that a parent can do. They can give the child strong reference points even during times of emotional and hormonal upheaval. 
The point here is not to stop doing these things, but to stop burdening ourselves with unrealistic expectations. To stop thinking that we alone influence our children's choices and decisions. To stop feeling that we are total failures if our children do something stupid. To stop blaming ourselves when things do not turn out quite the way we planned. 
After all, our children are individuals with their own mind, not inanimate dolls which will stay put where you place them.

In any discipline, we are told not to set unrealistic goals and targets, as this will only set us up for failure. Shouldn't we be treating parenthood in the same way?
We all know that perceived failure affects how we see ourselves, and how we feel about ourselves. If we are constantly feeling inadequate because of our perceived failings as parents, how can we expect our children to be the strong individuals they need to be in a world that grows more complex with every passing day?

"L-ezempju jkaxkar"we say in Maltese. If we want our children to feel good about themselves and accept themselves as they are, we have to start by being an example to them ourselves.

Flags...of all kinds

Early last Saturday morning, I was on Facebook skimming through the posts in my newsfeed. Among the random posts, there were some from Xarabank. Now I would like to make it clear that I did not actually watch the programme and this post is based on the info contained in the Facebook posts put out by the Xarabank team.

One of the guests on the programme was the Prime Minister. In Maltese we say " il-kliem bhac-cirasa", and inevitably, one of the conversational cherries was about national security in the face of any ISIS possible terror threat.. or indeed any possible terror threat.

http://maltarightnow.com/news/2015/02/27/ma-ghandniex-indikazzjoni-li-pajjizna-jinsab-fil-periklu-il-prim-ministru-joseph-muscat/

The PM told us that there was nothing to worry about; Malta is in no danger whatsoever..
Whew! That is a relief, considering that one of our newspapers reported very negatively about the state of our defenses, or lack thereof.. In view of the vast reach of the internet and social media, it is questionable how wise it was to publish such an article, at this particular moment in time, but to each his own, I guess.

Okay, I think, so the PM has some sort of guarantee (does he??) that we are still safe.. you would think that people's minds were immediately set to rest.. no more panicking over stupid messages scrawled inside an old bus-stop, no more freaking out over someone who in the mood of Carnival fun, hoisted the Jolly Roger on his flagpole a few short weeks ago.
And judging from some of the comments beneath the post, if the PM's intention was to calm people down, I daresay he succeeded.

But, that very evening, I'm scrolling through my newsfeed again (I do have a life away from my tablet, you know) and there's another report of panic and worry spreading among some people over another flag, a Palestinian one this time, which was attached to a boundary wall of a local school. Apparently, it was used to signpost a multi-cultural meeting that was being held at the school. I am sure a notice with the name of the said meeting would have been a much better idea.. and in case this wasn't possible, a person posted outside to guide people to the correct place would have also done very nicely, thank you.

thttp://maltarightnow.com/news/2015/02/28/titwahhal-bandiera-tal-palestina-mal-kullegg-san-alwigi/

But this only came out after proper investigation into the case. Because you see, when you see a Palestinian flag, anyone in his right and sane mind thinks "Gharab".. Muslims.. and from there it is but one short leap to ISIS..

While I cannot understand why the organisers of the event thought it neccessary to use a particular flag, rather than a variety of flags; Get a grip, people!

One minute we are calm, lulled into a sense of security by the PM's reassurances. The next we are losing our tiny, little minds over a flag that has absolutely nothing to do with ISIS.

Something is seriously wrong here.. If all it takes is a Palestinian flag to short-circuit our reasoning in this way, we must be a hell of a lot more worried than we are letting on..and reassurances provide a shallow relief at best.

Personally, I feel that Malta's strategic position in the Mediterranean has proved time and time again throughout history to be too attractive a lure for power-hungry madmen to resist. And while it would be ridiculous and irresponsible to bury our heads in the sand, it is equally ridiculous and irresponsible to go into a tizzy over something completely unrelated.

Another slot on the same Xarabank episode was the devoted to our new Archbishop.

http://www.illum.com.mt/ahbarijiet/socjali/40597/jekk_surmast_ta_skola_talknisja_ikun_gay_funjoni_ivili_jkolli_problema_bih__arisqof_

I have great respect for this man, but my reaction here was What the hell??

I too have a question for the PM, (and the leader of the Opposition) and it has nothing to do with ISIS.
Last year we signed the Civil Unions bill with great fanfare and partying. How does the Act come into such a situation? As a firm believer in equality, regardless of race, gender, religion, politics or sexuality, I hope to be told that yes, the law offers protection from this kind of discrimination.

Who still remembers this, and what it stood for?