I'm pretty sure the mom reassuring and comforting her daughter in the first few frames does not intend to normalise disrespect for her daughter; I have done the same with my own daughter countless times, and I definitely do not want to normalise disrespect for her. I definitely do not want my daughter to grow up thinking it is all right for a boy to be rude to her, that she is meant to be always a step behind a man.
And I'm sure I'm not the only mom who has done this with her kids.It is natural to want to comfort your child when she is hurting. It is how we have been 'comforted' time and again, when we were slighted and hurt by someone else. Ignore them. Rise above it.
It is instinctive to want to help prevent future hurt by being prepared. It is a natural defence mechanism and we all use it, to some extent...dumping someone before they have a chance to dump us, getting out of a job before we're actually fired, leaving a country before being asked to leave.
But it is time that we become more aware of the underlying subtext to our words, to the disturbing message behind our well-meaning words of comfort. And to call out that boy on disrespect.
For the past couple of days, I've been seething about the amount of people who are defending Mike Pence's misogynistic rule of not dining alone with women, other than his wife, and claiming that he is simply honoring his marriage vows.
I personally think that fidelity within marriage, or even an exclusive relationship, should be a given. At the end of the day, it is basic respect to be honest with the person you claim to love. And, if Mike Pence wants to make a huge song and dance about his religious beliefs and how he lives his marriage, fine by me.
But an inflexible refusal to dine with any woman other than his wife is not just about being faithful, not just about honoring his marriage vows. It is weird, misogynistic, demeaning, unprofessional and possibly illegal. How can you exclude half the human population from being alone with you in the same context, simply on the basis of their gender? (Quite apart from the fact that with someone like Pence, I suspect that it is not only women who are on his list of people he will not be alone with....)
I should think it is obvious for anyone with any semblance of a brain, but seeing the vast amounts of people defending this particular choice, maybe all the things wrong with it, need to be spelled out clearly.
Pence's rule is under-pinned by the logic that women are vixens and temptresses, a danger to any married man who wants to be a good Christian and honour his marriage vows (like that is the exclusive preserve of Christians anyway).
The logic that a married woman has absolutely no relevance beyond being a wife and a mother, that she is not a person in her own right.
The logic that married men are unable to enjoy a plate of pasta without being overwhelmed by uncontrollable urge to be unfaithful to their wives.
This is not simply a man wanting to honour his marriage vows.
This is a man who believes women are either Madonnas (like his wife), or whores (like the rest of the female population).
This is a man saying that a woman's sole purpose for even existing is to bear children.
This is disrespect.
And like the disrespect inherent in the boy being rude to the girl in the clip, it is buried under assumptions and cliches.
Cliches that boys will be boys. And that men are somehow unsuspecting victims - of the women they have victimised forever. The age-old story of Adam being led into temptation by Eve. That women are evil, and need to be controlled and kept in check by the very men, whom they are supposed to victimise.
What bollocks!!!
Disrespect is disrespect and it is about time we start recognising it for what it is. If we don't, very little will ever change.
Pence's rule is under-pinned by the logic that women are vixens and temptresses, a danger to any married man who wants to be a good Christian and honour his marriage vows (like that is the exclusive preserve of Christians anyway).
The logic that a married woman has absolutely no relevance beyond being a wife and a mother, that she is not a person in her own right.
The logic that married men are unable to enjoy a plate of pasta without being overwhelmed by uncontrollable urge to be unfaithful to their wives.
This is not simply a man wanting to honour his marriage vows.
This is a man who believes women are either Madonnas (like his wife), or whores (like the rest of the female population).
This is a man saying that a woman's sole purpose for even existing is to bear children.
This is disrespect.
And like the disrespect inherent in the boy being rude to the girl in the clip, it is buried under assumptions and cliches.
Cliches that boys will be boys. And that men are somehow unsuspecting victims - of the women they have victimised forever. The age-old story of Adam being led into temptation by Eve. That women are evil, and need to be controlled and kept in check by the very men, whom they are supposed to victimise.
What bollocks!!!
Disrespect is disrespect and it is about time we start recognising it for what it is. If we don't, very little will ever change.
